Here are the 10 first place winners in the
International Pun Contest

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess  looks at him and says, 
"I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns
to the other and says,"Dam"!

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving 
once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
electron." The other says "Are you sure?" 
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent 
tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office 
and asked them to disperse. "But why?"  they asked, as 
they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a  family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." 
The other goes to a family in Spain;  they name him "Juan." 
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself  to his birth 
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. 
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've
seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments,
so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. 
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, 
a rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down,
but they would not.
He went  back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival  florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" 
them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their 
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so,  thereby proving that only
Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses 
on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather 
frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. 
This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
different puns to his friends, with the hope that at 
least one of the puns would make them laugh.  
No pun in ten did????


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